Do you ever have moments when your mind recalls past mistakes and failures? I do. On the flip side, there are times when I’ll remember good things about myself and then wonder if they still exist. I know I’ve changed over these past few years, and I know that some people don’t understand that the change has been for the better. Sometimes we have to leave what we know behind and move forward. It’s not necessarily because our lives are horrible, but rather, God has called us to do something else, to be someone else.
In the midst of change in my life, I was in school most of the time. I’m grateful for my education, and I know that God called me to finish my degrees. However, I’ve learned that a person needs to have solid faith before starting a Christian education (or any education). I know this sounds strange. You would think such an education would help build up my faith. Instead, my faith was tested. There were many times when Scripture and classroom teaching were not in sync. I started to challenge what I was taught, and it was not always welcomed by faculty. I had to make a choice: Defend truth or believe everything I was taught. I’ve been trying to defend truth ever since. There were times when it was difficult to go to school, but I was reminded that there’s always something to learn even if I don’t agree with it. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not perfect. I’m still learning and working on my areas of struggle. As a result, I wrote a poem a few months ago to help me figure out my thoughts. Maybe you can relate.
Live Like Christ (originally written March 13, 2014)
My mind keeps wandering,
reminiscing about the past.
I get drawn in too deep
with no way to escape.
I remember all my mistakes,
and when I was more courageous.
I let myself become someone I wasn’t,
and I discarded too much of who I was.
I used to sing proud
and comfort a friend in need.
I fought for Your truth,
but now I’m caught between truth and theology.
Father, help me dig through my sin and fear
and find who I’m supposed to be.
I want to live,
live like Christ.
© Lauren Heiligenthal