In all out confession I’ve been struggling with my faith and confidence in the Lord. I’ve let worry and stress overtake me, and then I feel awful that my faith wavers so. God has never given me a reason to doubt Him. Rather, when I think about past situations I remember that He’s provided an abundance of reasons to put my hope in Him. More than I deserve, I’m sure. As I’ve been told by the Lord many times through various instances, it’s time for me to grow up. It’s time to be in the world and learn how to function as a Christian among the darkness. It’s time to remember all the words I’ve written on this blog and live and grow in ways I’ve encouraged others to live and grow. As a start to moving forward, I wrote this poem:
I am surrounded by a culture
That loathes my King,
That abhors truth,
That seeks corruption and lawlessness.
Yet I have to be in it
Like all who strive to serve Christ
For it is not the healthy who need healing
But the sick.
To be in the world
I must guard myself
From my sinful nature,
The beast that longs to be set free again.
For Christ has set me free
Instead, I have become a slave
To the true Master of all.
Yet the world beckons me to worry,
To revert back
To who I once was.
My faith slips,
And I feel ashamed.
How can my confidence in Him be so fragile?
How can I fail my God?
I’ve had faith many times before,
And the Lord never failed me.
Rather, He led me down beautiful paths unknown.
By walking in blind faith I learned to see the truth.
It is time to grow up
And eat spiritual meat,
To be a vessel used
For God’s glory.
I desire to walk in faith again,
To leave the petty worries behind
And remember that the Father has been,
And will always be
Indeed, the Lord is always faithful: “It is a trustworthy statement: For if we died with Him, we will also live with Him; If we endure, we will also reign with Him; If we deny Him, He also will deny us; If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself” (2 Timothy 2:11-13 NASB). The Lord is faithful whether I’m faithful or not, but I believe it is a much better journey to have the faith to walk with Him. As another blogger (Unshakable Hope) reminded me today, “Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18). Sometimes it’s hard to remember that I live for the eternal instead of the temporary, but I must choose this mindset every day. Will it be a struggle? Sure. But I believe it’ll be worth it in the end.